The Day After
Wednesday, August 17, 2005 by Mel
Just so I can remember, today is the day after one of my ugliest days ever.
A couple of you know what this means. The rest of you won't, and it's not appropriate to spill details here. I finally got around to doing the thing I've been dreading for a few months. I don't know what the outcome is going to be. You could say I'm just being a pansy about the whole thing. I should get over myself and move on and realize that's best for me. Don't think I haven't heard that opinion from at least dozen people over the years...maybe even two dozen.
So why don't I listen to them? Most of them are people I trust; if not, I wouldn't have confided in them in the first place and given oppotunities for opinion-giving. Here are a few thoughts:
1. I'm stubborn. More stubborn than most people know. When it counts, I don't want to give in. I don't give up on people easily. I won't believe that I'm wrong unless I've got serious evidence.
2. I still think there's some good waiting to get out. You can advertise your evil all you want, but if I can see the good, I won't forget that it's there. You may think that's naive or stupid, and you would probably be able to find a few folk who agree.
3. I don't like waste. I don't want to believe that all this time has been wasted. To do so would admit failure (and my stubbornness discourages such admissions).
4. I can be too attached. A little attention goes a long way with me, and enough attention a few years ago has escalated into this relationship today. There were enough positive things outweighing any negative ones. A few years ago I wouldn't have believed that it would turn into this. Now I don't know how to stop it (or if I really want to).
I know I'm rambling and vague. This does not make for interesting blog reading. I still have hope that things can work out for the best, even if the hopeful part of me may be down a few percentage points today.
Ultimately I want to influence. I think that's why we're all here. My methods may not be the screaming in-your-face practices of some, but I think I can influence people just the same. For all I know, this blog might be the way to reach you. And I hope that's a good thing.
Like I said, I don't know what's going to happen with this situation in the next few days. I know that some of you who will read this are praying people, so if you have a moment, slip one in for me. I'd appreciate it.
Enjoy your day.
A couple of you know what this means. The rest of you won't, and it's not appropriate to spill details here. I finally got around to doing the thing I've been dreading for a few months. I don't know what the outcome is going to be. You could say I'm just being a pansy about the whole thing. I should get over myself and move on and realize that's best for me. Don't think I haven't heard that opinion from at least dozen people over the years...maybe even two dozen.
So why don't I listen to them? Most of them are people I trust; if not, I wouldn't have confided in them in the first place and given oppotunities for opinion-giving. Here are a few thoughts:
1. I'm stubborn. More stubborn than most people know. When it counts, I don't want to give in. I don't give up on people easily. I won't believe that I'm wrong unless I've got serious evidence.
2. I still think there's some good waiting to get out. You can advertise your evil all you want, but if I can see the good, I won't forget that it's there. You may think that's naive or stupid, and you would probably be able to find a few folk who agree.
3. I don't like waste. I don't want to believe that all this time has been wasted. To do so would admit failure (and my stubbornness discourages such admissions).
4. I can be too attached. A little attention goes a long way with me, and enough attention a few years ago has escalated into this relationship today. There were enough positive things outweighing any negative ones. A few years ago I wouldn't have believed that it would turn into this. Now I don't know how to stop it (or if I really want to).
I know I'm rambling and vague. This does not make for interesting blog reading. I still have hope that things can work out for the best, even if the hopeful part of me may be down a few percentage points today.
Ultimately I want to influence. I think that's why we're all here. My methods may not be the screaming in-your-face practices of some, but I think I can influence people just the same. For all I know, this blog might be the way to reach you. And I hope that's a good thing.
Like I said, I don't know what's going to happen with this situation in the next few days. I know that some of you who will read this are praying people, so if you have a moment, slip one in for me. I'd appreciate it.
Enjoy your day.
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